Lockdown Learnings #2 Rescue Drama Anyone?

Lockdown Learnings #2 Rescue Drama Anyone?

So here I am with the second of my musings about the awe-some learnings I’ve had during this pandemic…this time all about the rescue drama!

From my last musing ‘What you Resist, Persists’ you may remember the premise of my realisation that all my challenges were already present in me and my mindset. The big illumination was really about how I was locking myself down in my leadership and life. 

I suggest keeping this in mind as you read on.  Where may you behaving this way in your own leadership or life? When does your care become fear driven…the hero…the fixer…the rescuer. And does this play out in a well-rehearsed, well-travelled, well known drama.

Tiara anyone? 

The ‘Rescue’ Drama

So one of the other things that I noticed in my own behaviour during the early 2021 lockdown was how I launched into a ‘rescue’ attempt a couple of times. This was for those that I assumed were at risk of suffering – particularly emotional – suffering. We had a couple of serious illnesses in my family in the early part of this year and this is when I started to notice my behaviour around this scenario much more.  I offered my heartfelt emotional support – but not in a I’m here lean on me way – but in heroic I have to save you way!  I could feel the physical pull of fear in my body. Gosh I feel some shame as I type and remember this now…

So there I was, putting on my golden lasso of truth, my silver bracelets and a razor-sharp tiara. I realised later that this emotional ‘rescue drama’ was a behaviour/habit I developed from early experiences in my childhood – when I was really, really terrified.  At the time I very much needed emotional strength and resilience from others. Sadly this was not what I got. Thus my young mind decided that I had to put myself aside and ‘take care of others’. My story was that I wasn’t important enough to be focused on. My young mind believed I was the cause of the suffering and I had to fix it – or fix me so others would be happy.

What Does This Behaviour Matter?

For me I realise – as an adult – this can be a form of hiding out.  This can have a huge impact on my willingness in leadership. When I invest my time and energy in ‘saving’ others I’m not looking at myself or my own leadership. Not looking at what is really going on for me, for others or actually what I or they are truly capable of. And most importantly for me as a leader and a human being it meant more fully embracing my own wants/needs. In my personal context this was not being a ‘coach’ or emotional crutch to my family. Of course I want to supportive, compassionate and empathetic. But that is enough. They are adults. They are more than capable of choosing to ask for support if they need it.  And actually this is an important process in their own development, particularly self-esteem. I can actually do them a disservice with my rescue drama, which doesn’t encourage them to take responsibility for themselves.  I’m feeling tearful and heartfelt gratitude now as I type this, for me there is such a bigger piece on offer. To really get deep down that my wants and needs matter equally. 

This is vital as a leader, holding my space as an equal whilst also modelling this and facilitating this for others. This is how we work – and excel – as a high performing team.

The ‘Rescue’ Drama Triangle

A rescue drama theory well researched and documented in psychotherapy is the Karpman Drama Triangle. For myself the drama I’ve engaged at times has been the back-and-forth victim/rescuer. Here I am the Hero! I shall sweep in with my masterful qualities and fix you and your problem! In my experience though, the hero/rescuer usually makes many assumptions about what the victim is thinking, feeling and wanting. Really their ‘rescue’ or ‘fix’ is a projection of their own thoughts, feelings and wants. Because really how would they know what the ‘victim’ wants or needs?  When I’ve been in this role my purpose is to reduce MY fears in the rescue drama – with MY idea, solutions or ‘fix’.  This is not a scenario where my victim is empowered or included in the discussion. There’s little or no ‘we’re in this together’ attitude, which again is vital for a high performing team – and for innovation.  I’ve popped on my tiara and bracelets and I’m off on my crusade!  

The Empowering Value of Coaching

For myself these days as a coach, one of the vital skills and elements of self-mastery has been the ability to notice and step away from any form of rescuing/fixing. So you can imagine my surprise when I witness myself doing this behaviour with my loved ones. It was a shock my friends. And an absolute gift to be woken up to how this has played out in my leadership and life ♥.  Only when we are awake and aware can we change our behaviour.   

For me the practice to ‘get myself out of the way’ is a huge part of the reason I adore coaching so much. This is both as a professional and as a concept. When I’m there awake and aware, I am FOR my coachee and myself in a way that is empowering – and can sometimes be a transformational energy in itself.  How I show up, my ability to be in-tune and aware of myself is essential to my coachees empowered experience.  If at any time I believe I know how they or their path should be, the conversation has become limited and more about me not them. There is no empowerment in me believing the illusion that ‘I know best’.          

Who or What Creates My Thoughts and Feelings?

What strikes me right in the heart about this idea of rescuing and fixing is the notion that I or you can make somebody else think or feel something. This notion that simply by something I do, say or don’t say – I can determine your thoughts and feelings. This is an incredible illusion my friends.

There’s a tool that I learned about 16 years ago when I took a powerful self-esteem course. This course, the concepts…tools…context completely transformed my perceptions of myself and how I’d been experiencing my life. I am to this day very, very grateful for this wake up. What I learnt was a complete eradication of the notion that I have the power to determine another human beings thoughts or feelings. This was HUGE for me, however it did mean…

Taking RADICAL Responsibility

If I don’t have the power to determine another’s thoughts or feelings, they also don’t have the power or ability to make me feel, think or believe anything. This means everything inside me comes from me, my own thoughts – not anything outside of me.  Oh my! I can no longer abdicate responsibility for my own thoughts and feelings. I then don’t get to blame others for my feelings, thoughts, behaviour – including justifying my behaviour in light of how others are behaving. So what now? 

What’s on offer is me taking complete responsibility for everything that is created from my own thoughts and feelings. And importantly the part I play in what’s created in any interaction. Can you imagine not blaming anyone of anything anymore for your mental or emotional state? When I was enlightened to this reality I really had quite mixed feelings. On one hand I felt scared as all my blame, justifications were no longer valid it seemed. And I felt excited as I felt this inner power knowing that at any time I could transform my perception and my experience of others, myself and the world.

Mastering Your Mind…

When I’m working with coaching clients in the arena of shifting behaviours, the awareness and reality of what is happening in the mind is essential to taking radical responsibility for our behaviour (the Event, the Mind and Our Reaction). Only when we acknowledge and wake up to the reality that we (our thoughts) – nothing else – creates our reactions will we be truly empowered. And a large part of the shift in behaviour patterns happens when we take full responsibility for our part. 

This means stopping attaching to the illusion that others or anything outside of us create our state or behaviour. In my experience this is not an easy thing to master, I am still practising this after 16years.  A practise well worth committing to though as this is where empowerment and freedom lives.  And, sometimes the ongoing awareness of the illusion in itself can be transformational in our inner and outer experience of life.

What’s on Offer

So here’s my top 5 wonderful life-giving benefits to taking on and practising this reality:

  1. Awareness – once we are aware of our thought patterns and beliefs we have the awe-some opportunity to change them, resulting in transformation of our experience
  2. Tell the Truth – when we see how our thoughts/mind is ‘running the show’ we have the opportunity to be honest with ourselves and others. This in turn creates the opportunity to have more authentic, real relationships based on who we really are (essential self) rather than who our mind fears we might be (feared self)
  3. Humanity – when we can see the reality of judgements, accusations and assumptions we are making about ourselves and others. This creates an opportunity to be human, compassionate and see the humanity in others
  4. Interconnectedness – when we take full responsibility for our part, we can choose to see this as an opportunity to connect with ourselves and others rather than separate. We may even start to see the mirroring of ourselves in others and the beautiful interconnectedness that is on offer…   
  5. Freedom – when we tell those truths about our own fears, judgements and assumptions we FREE ourselves from the mental and physical tyranny that this creates. This does mean taking that radical responsibility BUT it also means we are free to value ourselves for who we are 

What You Can Test for Yourself

So here’s an exercise for you to test this for yourself …

  • Event – recall an event where you remember yourself reacting, particularly negatively. What happened…it may be something somebody said or a specific moment that you didn’t want or like. Close your eyes, take yourself back to that moment and ‘tune into’ your mind and body…
  • Reaction (Feelings)  – what are the emotional feelings (e.g. sadness, anger, resentment, hurt, disappointment)     
  • Mind – what is your mind telling you about the event that happened? Look out for judgements, assumptions, accusations, conclusions…  

The big question…are the judgements, assumptions, conclusions that are running through your mind actually true?

And…I have the ongoing opportunity for you to have a look at your own lockdown reflections.  Here’s an invitation for you to complete a FREE lockdown learnings reflection exercise for yourself Lockdown Self-Reflections.  You have the option to submit your responses and have some feedback from me if you would like to…

Lockdown Behaviour Change Learnings #1…

Lockdown Behaviour Change Learnings #1…

So here I am with the first of three musings about the awesome behaviour change learnings I’ve been having during this pandemic. Especially the lockdowns!

The Notion of ‘Restrictions’

I remember hearing a lot in the media and from leaders I spoke to about the struggle, difficulty with restrictions. Totally understandable of course, a massive shift in context can generate much resistance to change. I wonder though if this resistance was a big fat ‘NO’ to being woken up to all the things that we may have been avoiding or got attached to in our leadership and lives. Whether this was being stuck indoors, not going to events, too busy, relationships that weren’t working, physical distance, working at home, furlough, not travelling…the list goes on… For myself I resisted what I saw as the lack of freedom to be out and about. I resisted the lack of human/physical connection, the mundanity…and in a way the push from life to be with myself and at home, A LOT…

What Constitutes Freedom?

Interestingly I’ve recently completed a silent Buddhist retreat as part of my CPD and was reminded of the enlightening difference in their take on the notion of ‘attachments’ – or clinging as they call it. This is where we cling to things we have developed an attachment to, including habits and behaviours. What struck me is the difference in perspective of what constitutes freedom. In lockdown(s) the perception seemed to be that freedom was severely restricted or pressured, yet in Buddhism they teach that when we are attached we (or more so our hearts) are not free. And is it largely our attachments to things outside of ourselves that create ‘dukkha’… suffering. Maybe what was really restricted was avoidance and the escape routes that we’d constructed…    

What Is Really Being ‘Locked Down’?

I notice in my own leadership resistance that what I was really avoiding was how I feeling. Essentially my resistance is to uncomfortable feelings that ranged from agitation, frustration, loneliness, fear, unease to boredom. I set about delving into my feelings, reactions and here’s some of what I uncovered:

  • Fears – FOMO…the fear of missing out, fear of scarcity, fear of loneliness, fear of being online too much. Fear that if I wasn’t ‘doing’ I wasn’t enough in some way or wasting time…
  • Beliefs – the belief that I was trapped, isolated, that the grass was greener in some future situation (especially where I could have what I wanted!)
  • Demands – that things should be different, that I had to know what the future was going to be, that I shouldn’t be feeling how I was feeling… 

For me the beautiful, life giving thing about lockdown was the awareness that all these things were already present in me and my mindset. Lockdown didn’t create these, it just shone a bright effing light on what was already present.  A massive magnification of ways I was already locking myself down in my leadership roles and life. 

I am oh so grateful for this ♥

Is the Grass Greener?

The other piece that’s really struck me, especially in relation to behaviour change and attitude is ‘the grass is greener’. I can really get into this myself…this notion that ‘there’ is better than ‘here’. Wanting to be in some future reality where we get a result we want, get to do something we want, get to become something we’re not at the moment. In Buddhism they call this an attachment to the desire of ‘becoming…’.  It really hit me that I can get into this internal demand – which then creates agitation – all because I am in some way attempting to insist reality is different. 

I’m also pondering an additional piece about habits, behaviours we get attached to in leadership. Even simple things in our daily routine or automatic reactive behaviour(s). This was highlighted on my retreat too and got me thinking about unconscious habits. When do we question the purpose of ‘how’ we do things, how we behave, how we lead? For me on retreat this was an insightful reflection on how we (I) can become a slave to an unconscious habit. A habit that may have originally been put in place to support me or my team, but now has become something else. Is the habit actually serving me/us now or have we moved into a state of obligation? There is no freedom – agility or innovation – in obligation.

Mastering Behaviour Change…

I work all the time with clients in the arena of shifting leadership behaviours, especially those behaviours that are limiting, creating negative emotional reactivity or unwanted results. The process of self awareness and delving into what is driving behaviours is essential to mastering them. The driver(s), in my experience, are never about the actual behaviours themselves but the beliefs through which we constructed them (usually from previous experiences). This process is vital for behaviour change to:

  1. Notice, Become Aware – bring the thoughts/feelings/beliefs that are in play up to conscious level
  2. Tell the Truth – have the courage to go beyond fearful feelings and tell the truth about the beliefs and the grip they have on us as leaders
  3. Willingness – to commit to practising awareness and consciously choosing something different. Choosing a different response which serves ourselves, our teams, our communities and greater reflects our deepest leadership values.

What You Can Ask Yourself

So here’s some reflective questions for you…

  • Habits/behaviours – what habits or ways of behaving are you holding onto as a leader that are no longer serving you? What would it take for you to be open to something different…
  • The Grass is Greener – what ‘there’ is perceptively better than your current ‘here’. Is there a future scenario that your mind has as its ‘salvation’ or ‘perfection’. What could you appreciate in the here and now… 
  • Resistance to Reality – what are you demanding, right now, that should be different to how it is? This could be a result, how your team or colleagues are or how a situation is. What is your payoff for holding this resistance? Payoffs can be things like being attached to being ‘right’, being superior, avoiding being honest, avoiding vulnerability, avoiding facing reality…    

And…I have the ongoing opportunity for you to have a look at your own lockdown reflections.  Here’s an invitation for you to complete a FREE lockdown learnings reflection exercise for yourself Lockdown Self-Reflections.  You have the option to submit your responses and have some feedback from me if you would like to…

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Self-Stewardship & the Law of Karma…

Self-Stewardship & the Law of Karma…

So, I’ve been doing a 21-day abundance meditation challenge for the last week and I’m loving it! 

What’s been somewhat surprising though is the coming together of 2 themes that have been emerging for me over the last 18 months – the first being Trust. Not at all the sense of trusting of others or even myself. My self-trust has been exponentially honed from coaching practise and numerous other pieces of development. 

The trust I’m talking about is trusting the universe, life, whatever you want to call it. This notion of not just trusting what is or isn’t happening – but the much BIGger trust that there is always other possibilities and endless MORE. More of me, more of others, more possibilities, more money, more time – and even if there isn’t it’ll all work out anyway. 

One of the golden gems that came up in my 21-day challenge today was the realisation that Truth and Honesty are at the core of my being. Telling it, asking for it, living it. This for me means being INtegrity with my soul.  And this I have learnt is success for me and always will be – inside not outside. I meet many people who believe that their state, results, happiness is determined by what’s going on outside of them. I used to believe this myself. Now I realise – something I’ll be eternally grateful for – I create my experiences, no one or no-thing else does.

The second emergence has been so very connecting and grounding is Giving. And here I’m not at all talking about monetary giving. I’m talking about giving my heart, time, compassion, unconditional love and kindness. 

And Unconditional Generosity.  Interestingly what popped up in my meditation today was ‘the Law of Karma’. We reap what we sow…

So what’s been evolving in me is a natural congruence in being generous with my soul. I have some sadness as I realise this depth of wanting to give of myself has come about from – at times – utter despair from not creating some of the things I dearly want in my life.  

I’m tearful as I feel this sadness and at the same time grateful that I’ve got to experience what its like to be free. Free of the demands I used to have on myself to get the result I wanted – attached, stressed and then the ensuing wave of disappointment when I didn’t get what I wanted. Grateful that I know how to recognise when I’m in auto-pilot and can consciously choose trust over fear – getting into that ‘busy’ drama which is really about fear of scarcity or impossibility.

And I also self-remember that it’s not over yet! And I’m a very tenacious lady. What’s been really beautiful is honing my tenacity in a way that embraces serenity and vulnerability. Interestingly since I’ve been embracing just giving, I’ve noticed there’s much more of me in everything I do and I’m attracting much more of what I want into my life.

One of the concepts that’s really resonated with me today is this idea of Stewardship – taking great care of the things that we value. Making choices that are generous to ourselves and others – as they are grounded in a sense of endless more and possibility. Grounded in ‘we are one’ and connecting. The other way – as can be so very common in leadership and teams – of choice making that is grounded the ego’s fear of scarcity or survival. Cultivating a ‘me first’ attitude – separating. 

There is enough, there has always been enough and there always will be. And of course in that there’s trusting it’s all exactly how it’s meant to be… 

What I love about what came to me in ‘stewardship’ is this way I’ve learnt to reflect all learning – it starts at home. So how about Self Stewardship, taking care of yourself as something of great value. Love it!

How About a Challenge?

So here’s 3 questions and challenges for you:

  • Choices – where are you making choices that are fear based? Not enoughness or with limits. Not enough time, not enough money, not enough resources or there are limited opportunities, choices, possibilities. You’ll know it’s fear based when you feel any kind of tension, anxiety, stress in your body. Challenge: for 7 days NOTICE when you are choosing out of fear and make a different choice. Breath into the fear and trust;     
  • Giving Conditionally – where do you give or engage conditionally?What’s the payback or payoff? This could be your time, your % of effort, your 100% willingness. Challenge: Practise giving unconditionally for 7 days, check in with your heart and choose what to give 100% to – regardless of the outcome; 
  • Self-Stewardship – where are you not putting your gas mask on first? Do you treat yourself as something of great value that matters? Challenge: Identify 2 ways that you could daily fill up your own tank and do this for 7 days.  

Namaste ❤

No Strings Attached…?

No Strings Attached…?

Well Happy New Year!

It’s a funny thing isn’t beginning a new year – my mind likes to get into believing that I should make a ground-breaking discovery on 1st January.  Or I should have this sense of ‘this is it!!’ followed by some sort of epiphany to do less of something/more of something else…

The truth is for me is that I did realise at in the early days of this year that I have been on an incredible, deliberate journey of self discovery during 2019. I really trusted the deep need I felt inside to regroup, re-discover myself and realign with my soul.

And this journey was essentially me shining a bright fucking light on my life, disrupting it, throwing some mental and physical attachments up in the air – seeing what fell back down. The vital piece…my purpose was to get aligned with my soul and my integrity that supports this. This really has been (and continues to be) a profound exploration in getting to know myself with a specific intention to keep looking within. To keep letting my soul guide my leadership and my daily life. 

You see I had a sense of great dissatisfaction towards the end of 2018. I’d been evoked as a result of various life events that I’d experienced – both professionally and personally. It seemed like I was literally jolted into reality, mainly from the big resistance at times to what was happening. Or sometimes what wasn’t happening. Something was ‘off’, something didn’t feel congruent and that something was me!

Sitting here right now remembering, and acknowledging actually, how much I have thrown myself into this intention of unpicking and freeing myself up is very grounding. Getting to know me. Getting connected with what I really want – from a place of ‘anything is possible’ rather than ‘something is wrong and I need to fix it’. 

And so ensued no less that 7 retreats, an ongoing exploration of Buddhism, setting clearer boundaries, more saying no, more being fearless and letting go of behaviours, roles, relationships, beliefs, ways of being that were not serving me – or were not congruent with who I am and what I stand for. 

I spent large amounts of time reading, watching videos, completing courses, reflecting, being coached, processing and debriefing. A ‘drilling down’ if you will on questions like: What do I really want? What am I accepting that is incongruent?  What excites me? What do I really care about? What do I want to give my time and attention to? Who am I and what is my life about REALLY?

This was very painful at times – the loss and grief of letting go and the huge fear of trusting that all would be ok in the end. And there has been amazing moments of utter awe and joy in what I’ve discovered. I’ve been evoked in ways that I never imagined was possible.  

What I didn’t realise in the midst of this – when it was all happening, changing, landing – was that I was in much bigger space of UNKNOWN. Seems funny to share about this now as it seems obvious that everything is unknown, all the time. But for me it has been a pretty fearful place at times – consciously, deliberately letting go of particularly behaviours that I have employed for 30+ years – and not knowing what the fall out would be. It hit me how for most of my life I’ve held onto a number of things purely out of fear of losing something or someone. So I started to consciously embrace loss and go for fearless letting go and TRUST instead. Argggh!   

Tears have come into my eyes now as I recall how I spent a time in hospital having an ‘emotional crisis’ when I was very young. Back then I really didn’t know how to handle my emotions or what was coming up in my life – the unknown of it all. Within this early experience I remember mostly is being frightened, living with a day to day fear of not knowing whether I was safe and whether I would find my way home. 

Working through all of this and releasing, connecting, discovering has connected me powerfully with who I am and what I care about.  I recognise these days that I have an innate capacity for honour, acceptance and huge depth of unlimited compassion for human suffering. This is precious to me as I truly value being able to ‘get in’ with others when I see self limiting beliefs, behaviours or blind spots. And I SEE a lot. This depth has evolved as I’ve been willing again and again to look at my own beliefs and face my fears. I have a tenacious strength and commitment to getting free again and again. Getting back to a YES to myself and a YES to how it is.

So my friends, one of the deeper learnings that I am very grateful for in my exploration (particularly Buddhism) is that when I free myself from ‘attachments’ my mind expands, opens up and my heart is free. I’m willing and open to be with life as it is – not as my mind gets into believing it should be. 

In leadership this is VITAL – the ability to be open, agile, responsive. The willingness and ability to be aware, pull out self insight and thus respond from a ‘clear space’. Not from a space that is pre-conditioned, pre-loaded or fixed. How often do we see or hear leaders that go into the same auto-pilot behaviour or reaction, regardless of the context? Where do you do this in your leadership or life?

One of the biggest, most effective things I have ever learnt as a coach and as a leader is to trust myself, trust my instinct and be brave. This has always served me well. In fact this has created powerful connection, insight and opportunities. The upshot is though – to enable this to happen – we must free up what’s in our way. The unconscious beliefs, the conditioned thinking, the fears. The willingness to look within, to face those fears and limiting beliefs, and to keep doing so is crucial.    

One of the amazing ways I’ve learnt to shine a light on these fears is to become aware of and let go of attachments.  We all have them. So here’s a suggestion and challenge for you…   

Suggestion

Start noticing what you are attached to. You’ll know you are attached when you have a strong desire, physical or emotional reaction to something you want in your leadership or life. There will likely be a physical ‘pull’ or mental tension, drivenness. 

Challenge

Are you willing – right now – to shine a light on and even ‘give up’ one of your attachments? These could be:

  • Results – ‘getting’ something. Could be a yes from someone, winning something, producing something, achieving something…anything. Also ‘proving’ something…who you are…what your capable of…that you can ‘get’ results etc
  • Views/Opinions – hands up who likes to ‘be right’? What we’re looking for here is any attachment to you being ‘right’ and someone else being ‘wrong’. Is your way the right or only way? Could as simple as how you cook pasta!
  • Possessions – having or keeping something. Device anyone? I mean how would it be if you didn’t look at or check your devices for 48hrs?  Another good one here is any kind of ‘status’ possessions…
  • Context/environment – any attachment to your environment being different. This could be things like peace and quiet, noise, how something looks, how someone behaves. Does that man really need to slurp his drink so loudly?   

Interesting isn’t it? 

Start with one small thing. All roads lead to Rome. I remember reading one of my many Buddhism books where one of the monks was speaking about their journey in ‘giving everything up’. The hardest one for her was her views/opinions. This clinging to being ‘right’ – so common for this to be an attachment to our identity or self worth…

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Executive Coaching

Executive Coaching

I specialise in transformational, sustainable behaviour change. I work with leaders who care and want to make a difference. 

I stand for being alongside my clients in their journey, being open hearted, courageous and honouring.

I am the coach for you if:
– You want to develop self awareness, emotional intelligence and self insight to serve you for the rest of your career.
– You want to transform, propel or step up your leadership.
– You want to transform your confidence, self belief and reduce self doubt.
– You know there is much more to you that your current leadership capacity. You want ‘more’ – to reignite your purpose and passion for your current or future roles.
– You want to be more comfortable with your own unique leadership style and how you engage/connect with your team.
– You want to empower your team to step up, thinking for themselves and use their initiative. 
– You want to sustainably increase your team’s performance and ability to be self solving. 

I love to work with leaders who want to propel their leadership growth or who want to step-up to a new level themselves in their leadership. I use my warmth, incisiveness, empathy and openness to provide a ‘fertile ground’ in which my clients explore their capacity and are listened to with an open heart.

I work alongside clients in their growth, sharing my wisdom and empowering them to be free to be the leader they are truly capable of. 

My coaching style is open, direct, encouraging and purposeful…drawing on my depth of knowledge, creativity, enthusiasm and personal wisdom. 

Go on…what are you waiting for? Jump in!

To find out more please email me: nicci@awareleadership.co.uk or call me on 07817 246930.  

Resilience Coaching

Resilience Coaching

I also specialise in working with leaders and managers who want to build their inner resilience or confidence – not just appear confident and resilient but FEEL this inside. They want to build their inner strength, tackle challenges head on and be able to sustain this over time. 

This dynamic and transformational resilience coaching is for you if:
– You want to develop self awareness, inner resilience and self insight to serve you for the rest of your life.
– You want to transform your willingness to face challenges head on.
– You want to learn and practise tools to spend significantly more of your time operating objectively rather than from fear.
– You want to transform your confidence in speaking up, sharing what is going on for you and reducing stress.
– You want to be more practised and willing to really HEAR your team, hear feedback and create a sustainable team spirit.
– You want to be empowered to improve your self care and empower your team to do the same. 
– You want to increase your energy, your forward thinking focus and ability to manage your emotions. 

To find out more please email me: nicci@awareleadership.co.uk or call me on 07817 246930.  

Facilitation

Facilitation

I specialise in transformational self awareness, sustainable behaviour change and emotional intelligence.

I deliver courses and workshops that facilitate change within individuals and how people collaborate as a team. 

I am the facilitator for you and your team if:
– You want to develop self awareness, emotional intelligence and self insight to improve performance and sense of team spirit.
– You want to transform, propel or step up your team’s ability to take responsibility for themselves and the part they play.
– You want to transform team members confidence and willingness to use their initiative.
– You want to be more collaborative as a team and develop the team’s ability to innovatively co-create solutions.
– You want to empower your team’s willingness to go beyond their comfort zone. 
– You want to sustainably increase your team’s ability to be self solving and self supportive. 

To find out more please email me: hello@awareleadership.co.uk or call me on 07817 246930.  

The Art of Letting Go…

The Art of Letting Go…

MY or NO way? How often do we not get what we want…the results we wants, the response we want.

I’ve been pondering this on a much deeper level after experiencing an intense Buddhist retreat a few weeks ago. This notion of REALLY letting go of everything – even if it’s in this moment. I mean everything, every desire, pleasure, want, attachment, aversion, resistance…all of it. 

This was a most intriguing experience, this ability to truly be at peace with everything – just as it is. And of course the crux of all this was being at peace with myself, just as I am. At any given moment that may be happy, sad, excited, anxious, disappointed, joyful, tense, serene, angry…any number of different states or feelings…

I’ve been having a very challenging time personally and professionally this year – on and off – after deliberately disrupting and changing various elements of my life. This has been, and continues to be, a combination of letting go of things that aren’t serving me, taking a stand and honouring myself more. Being more real and authentic. Who knew there were so many layers to this?! 

I realise now that my hope was this was nearing completion – however life has had different ideas. This has meant – especially in the last few months – being in very big ‘don’t know’ space with myself, my purposes and in some of my most precious relationships. At times I’ve found this utterly uncomfortable, disorientating and frightening. And on the flip side this is proving to be liberating, expansive, revealing, exciting – and the thing I’m most enjoying is a growing sense of my self expression and more of ME emerging. As a leader and as a woman.

As part of this I have been consciously practising the art of trusting. And the art of welcoming loss actually. Trusting that things will work out even if I let things I care about go…trusting that all will be well…trusting that the universe ‘has my back’ and the powerful vision I am holding for myself is being created. Even if I cant see it yet.  Que sera sera eh? I made myself really smile yesterday by writing a mantra about what I’m aiming for “trusting deeply that I can master trusting deeply”…

This may seem like a hands off leadership strategy but I tell you what my friends, in a letting go space there is a natural alignment with things as they are. An alignment with the ability to go with the flow of life, event by event, adapting and course correcting. Not being attached to a particular path or how we get there opens up a world of possibilities. This isn’t about being passive but actually actively managing our energy to be allowing, accepting, conscious and responsive. Seeing what emerges. Focusing on the here and now, responding to what’s actually happening rather than being tied to a fixed idea of how it ‘should be’.

I share this partly because it seems to be so ingrained in our culture this push to ‘get’. Get ahead, get something or get somewhere. As if the goal of our lives was to get more and more – and as fast as possible. What’s the purpose of that? How about slowing down and enjoying the ride, being more fully present to the ride. We need a bigger purpose, a bigger vision to see us through – especially when the going gets tough. 

One of the things I LOVE about purpose is that there always is one, whether we are conscious of it or not. One of the most revealing exercises I’ve ever done is to make a list of my actual behaviour with different things and then ask myself ‘what’s my purpose?’. Our real purpose is always revealed in our actual behaviour.

So if your driving, demanding, insisting on having things your way – in a fixed mindset about anything – maybe what’s required, essential even, is some letting go. In that space peace and freedom can be found. The space of awakening to life as it is – not as we demand it to be. 

I’ve worked with many leaders who struggle to delegate, let alone empower their teams. So this is where the challenge eh – letting go and trusting.

And of course this all starts at home. Can you let go and be with yourself just as you are, right now?

You can access your free copy of my ‘Five Leadership Powerhouses’ right here, right now…!

Coaching for Culture Programme

Coaching for Culture Programme

Would you like to transform your organisation into an empowering, higher performing, innovative place to work?

Many of my clients have deep aspirations to empower their teams. In my experience the most high impact, transformative and sustainable way to do this is through developing a coaching culture. This is now widely recognised by many such as the Human Capital Institute and CIPD, some examples are here:

I am passionate about suporting and empowering organiations to create a coaching culture – so they can transform their leadership and organisations. And my purpose for this is also that this has the propensity to change individual lives, communities and our world as a whole.

My ‘Coaching for Culture’ 4 tier programme has been providing powerful coaching training in various public, private and non profit sectors in the last 3 years. This programme can cover up to 6 days and also can be delivered in line with relevant consultancy and/or 1:1 coaching.

The programme is bespoke and can tailored to be delivered in whole or in parts, depending on requirements. The purpose is to develop a leadership coaching culture which ultimately cascades down to transforming results and quality of service, engagement and innovation.

The programme is usually comprised of training for executives, leaders and managers at various levels within the organisation (including for those with some, little or no experience of coaching). The programme can include:
• Introduction to Coaching Skills
• Developing Coaching Style
• Building an Organisational Coaching Culture
• Advanced Coaching Mastery
• Reflective Practise

This programme can also be tailored to training or provide develop/reflective practise for existing internal coaches.

To find out more about this programme please email me: nicci@awareleadership.co.uk or call me on 07817 246930.  You can also apply for a FREE group taster session HERE.