Should Others Communicate Differently?


So…are you willing to accepting others just as they are?

Come and explore how to get aligned with reality.  Find out how you can be in conversations 100% and create the results you want in your leadership.

Join me in a FREE 1:1 45minute discovery session!  I can’t wait to hear from you…

Book FREE 1:1 Coaching Discovery Session

Bye for now…


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Authentic or Auto-Pilot?


I’ve had some fascinating conversations this week about what gets in the way of creating results and being more authentic more of the time…what does it take to drop the persona and be real?

If we truly want to create results in our lives and connection with others in our work and personal lives, how can our personas deliver that?  Time and time again there it is…our trusty persona gets in there first when we are really crying out to be real…to be liked for who we are…be at peace…be connected…be enjoying the journey.  We can easily get into portraying ourselves as a human being that looks us, talks like us but does absolutely no justice to who we really are.

This reminds me of reflecting some months ago when I was watching the news on TV, hearing discussions about various different people and what they had ‘done’.  Along came all the judgements and evaluations as if there is this perfect human being that everyone should aspire to become.  Who knows what that is I thought?  Who is this person that ticks all the boxes?  Is there an epitome to be reached where we there is no suffering and we are happy, responding perfectly, never making a mistake 100% of the time.  Is that even realistic?

This is how our persona behaves.  Being presented on auto-pilot as if we have to behave a certain way to not be ‘found out’ or not show that we are human.  And there are many personas to choose from…’I’ve got it all sorted’…’poor me, look what’s happened, life’s unfair!’…’I have to put myself aside and help others’…and many more…

What if this is it?  This is how it is.  There is never going to be a perfect way to be.  How about embracing all the challenges as they are and you as you are.  How about acknowledging that you are doing your best with what you have – at any given moment.

What would it be like to live a life like that?

‘Life is not a problem to be solved, it’s a mystery and a journey to be lived’

Come and explore how to be more You more of the time in a FREE 1:1 45minute discovery session with me.  You will be encouraged to show the real you and we will explore the number 1 thing that keeps your persona going.

I can’t wait to hear from you…

FREE 1:1 coaching discovery session…book here: Book FREE 1:1 Coaching Discovery Session

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The Blame Game



Come to a taster session to transform how you can get off your blaming position, resolve conflicts and create powerful connecting solutions.

I’d love to see you there!

Here’s the link to book in for FREE taster. Friday 20th November in Hertfordshire

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Being in the mindful NOW

The power of the reactive moment

What is being mindful?  I have had a few conversations this week about the difference between mindfulness and meditation – the latter can often be confused as the only source of becoming mindful.

Meditation sure is a powerful source of practising mindfulness and tuning into yourself, whether that is physically and/or mentally.

I’ve been listening to the philosopher Alan Watts for the last few weeks and something he said had a very powerful effect on me.  ‘there is no past or future there is only NOW’.  I thought Yes! how spot on.  We only ever experience the NOW.  We may remember the past or think about the future, however we still only ever experience the now – the present moment.

This is it folks!  Now!  And now…and now…and now…and now….and now…

This consciousness of the now is vital to enable shifting one’s behaviour over time – and for good.  Most of my clients work with me on this over a 3-12month period.  As we all react in the now and at lightning speed (human reaction time is said to be somewhere between 150-300 milliseconds), it takes practise to develop the necessary awareness.

As a leader being mindful can be a huge asset to transforming results.  For a leader being conscious in the moment can be the difference between creating a powerful conversation full of opportunities or reacting in defence, making assumptions and ultimately putting a wall up which closes off possibilities.

As the holocaust survivor, neurologist and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl said ‘Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom’

So here’s a few ways to practise being actively conscious in the moment:

  1. NOTICE – I cannot emphasise this enough! Paying attention to NOTICE what is happening in this very moment.    This could be visual thing, a taste, a smell, something you hear and/or a thought you are currently thinking
  2. Physical sensations – practise noticing the physical sensations in your body. Changes in physical sensations can be caused by many things, including the lightening speed of our thoughts.  See if you can notice when you have a different sensation, particularly any change of energy or emotional state
  3. Thinking and feeling – practise noticing how your thoughts and physical feelings are connected. When you noticed a change in energy, state or emotion – ask yourself…what was happening at the time?  When did it start or change?

So enjoy yourself, enjoy being in the here and now…with you

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Changing Leadership Behaviour

change outcomes

I was chatting to someone from a design agency this week and we got into this conversation about behavioural change.  We were discussing how important it is to align executive/senior leadership behaviour with brand core values.  Especially as many companies invest heavily in brand design and development.

I remember at one point he said, well yes it’s hard to ‘get people to change’.  As I said to him ‘getting someone’ to do anything or change is something that rarely works in the long-term.  And it is pretty presumptuous.  Change is a choice, always.

It is so important to ensure that executives and senior teams are actively committed to role modelling brand values.  We copy what we see, right?  However leadership teams behave, that’s what will be played out day-to-day throughout the company culture.

Role modelling isn’t about being perfect or getting something ‘right’.  It’s about a commitment to being conscious of one’s own behaviour and proactively working towards growth (and brand alignment).

The cost of not doing so can be big, particularly with customers.  For example: if one of your core values is integrity, yet the company culture is to not call customers back, not be honest about mistakes or product suitability, not stay in communication when you can’t deliver, not keep your word – the result can be a huge loss of reputation.  Just look what happened to banks with the financial crisis or more recently energy companies.

So how does one change habits, particularly habits and behaviour that may have been around in our lives for 20, 30, 40 + years?

Here are 3 recommendations to start you off:

  1. Willingness – ask do you really want to change your behaviour? It may be a nice idea, aspirational even – but is it something you actual want to do?  Being totally honest with yourself is the crucial first step.  Once you are clear about this you can make a conscious choice to go forward.  Thoughts such as ‘I should’ or ‘I have to’ can indicate a state of obligation not willingness
  2. Definition – what is it that you actually want to change? The important thing is to be extremely specific.  Define your actual step-by-step behaviour in a scenario that is usually challenging for you.  Be honest!  Definitions such as ‘stop procrastinating’ or ‘don’t react aggressively’ are great, however they are too ambiguous for you to be able to pin point when they are happening in the moment
  3. Practise – this is where you get to play! Once you have defined the behaviour you want to change, the game is to practise, practise and practise.  Practise NOTICING when you are doing the behaviour you want to change, this is critical and powerful part.  When you NOTICE, you have the opportunity to make a different choice.  Then keep practising…it may take hours, months, years even and every little bit counts.  Whether you change something or not, the challenge will be to go back in and have another go – one more time.

The wonderful thing about changing behaviour is that you will always have ‘one more time’ – you will always have another opportunity no matter how long it takes.

Now that’s something to be grateful for…


If you’d like some insight into your leadership behaviour – or to get clear on what to change and how.  I am offering a limited number of FREE 45min insight sessions during August…

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Step Out of Imposter Syndrome

alter your life through your mind

There’s a regular issue that comes up with many high achiever executives I work with – the notion of ‘imposter syndrome’.

Am I really faking it?  I’m performing but there’s something incongruent inside – how am I really coming across?  I mean I get results, I’m knowledgeable, I can absolutely hold my own in executive meetings – so what’s up?  Why do I feel inadequate?  Why am I stressed and on edge just before company results come out?

Sound familiar?

Its tough isn’t it to go in day after day and ‘perform’.  What about all those other execs who seemed to have it licked?  They look so at ease – what’s wrong with me?  It must only be me that has this self doubt and dis-ease.  I can’t get found out.  I have to look confident, like I know what I’m doing and I know my stuff.  I mustn’t show any weakness, I have to maintain my persona.

I have many exec clients that say, if I show any weakness everyone will think I’m not good enough at my job.

Well let’s take that ‘not good enough’ for a second…  What is ‘good enough’?

We all have our own definition of what that is, so take some time right now to think about what this means to you.

Good enough = what? 

I’ve had responses from clients that good enough = characteristics things such as…clear, gets results, good communicator, knowledgeable, sharp, quick thinking, commercial aptitude, fair, responsive…

Whatever your definition is – is that not you?  At least some of the time?

I suspect the answer is yes.

As a dear friend of mine once said…if you can spot it, you’ve got it…

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