3 Ways to a Bigger Purpose

dont play small

I’ve been working on a project for the last few months and a lot has happened in that time – especially the last few weeks.  I have been learning a massive amount for myself in my own leadership and what it takes to create energy, motivation and ultimately results.

I had somewhat of an epiphany yesterday about my own purpose with this project.  This was HUGE to for me!!  I’d been noticing that there was a ‘stuckness’ of some kind in me, there was something about this project that I was missing, that I didn’t feel connected to.  I realised after some coaching that I didn’t have a bigger purpose for myself – and this may be affecting my and my team’s engagement.  How could create more engagement in my team if they didn’t know what they were getting on board with?

So I started to ask myself questions…what was I really going for in leading this project?  Yes I had clarity about the ‘result’ but what was the bigger purpose for me in WHY I chosen to lead it.  This mattered because I was playing small – I’d been ‘going along’ with what others wanted, I’d been filling in gaps rather than stepping up to lead as ME with my vision and leading from the front.  And so my team were doing the same, ticking boxes rather than stepping up and going for what they wanted for themselves – and going for the bigger benefits that the project would deliver.

This made me realise too that I do have a clear bigger purpose with my business, the work I choose to do and how I choose to be when doing it.

So I thought I’d share with you my bigger purpose ‘hot off the press!’ as it were…for myself I am learning and developing my visibility, boldness and my authenticity – to enable me to live the life I want to live and be ALIVE and free while I am living it!!

For the business leaders and owners that I work with: I want them to be empowered, more authentic, open, honest, collaborative and more ‘we are in this together’ with their stakeholders, peers, teams.

And I want this for leaders because I want to see leadership in our world which is less separating…more open, transparent, creative, empowered, authentic.  Because this creates, high performing organisations where individuals and teams are empowered to learn, grow and bring the best of themselves to their organisations.  AND all this matters and contributes to how we experience our lives, how we grow our economy, how we connect in our world every day.

So, step back and take time to consider and reflect on your bigger purpose:

  • What’s Your Purpose – for you in your leadership, your team(s) and your organisation?
  • Communicate – how can you communicate your vision and purpose so others can be alongside you and get on board?
  • Living It – how can you live your purpose? How can you BE and what can you put in place to be living and working towards the projects that are going to create your purpose?   What are you going to commit to?

Don’t play small…open up your platform to play a bigger game…

Come and explore how to define, communicate and live your purpose in your organisation in a FREE 1:1 45 minute discovery session with me.  What are you waiting for?

I can’t wait to hear from you…

FREE 1:1 coaching discovery session…book here: Book FREE 1:1 Coaching Discovery Session

FOMO – Have to or Want to?

wayne dyer...you choose limits

Ding!  An email pops into your inbox – a request, an enquiry – it might be from your colleague, the boss or a potential customer.  Its 6:30pm, you’re just about to have dinner together with your loved ones.  Do you open that email?  Of course you do!  You can’t resist!

Then, dinner is ready so off you go downstairs.  What’s happened though?  Suddenly you’re feeling a little uptight, agitated even and your mind is racing.  The email?!  You’re thinking ‘I have to answer it quickly’, ‘I have to respond’, ‘I have to get this info to them’, ‘I have to…   And then you’re eating you dinner but you’re not really there.  Your loved ones are speaking to you, you can hear yourself making the appropriate noises but you’re not really listening – really you want to get back to respond to that email.  So there you are missing the precious moments of your life with your loved ones because of FOMO – and this happens frequently doesn’t it?

Fear of Missing Out – a very common phenomenon.  Thing is, this is it folks.  That time with your loved ones, you don’t get that back.

A few years ago, I used to almost panic when an email or request arrived in my inbox.  Straight away I’d be thinking…I have to answer it now, I have to give them the right answer or else… I’ll look incompetent, I won’t get the assignment, my boss will think I’m lazy, I won’t be working hard enough, fast enough, I’ll lose my job….the list goes on.

After I took The Power of Purpose in 2010, I realised that actually I don’t have to do anything!!!  I might want to, this however is not the same thing.  This is a very subtle but important difference.  One is a choice, the other is a demand.  The other thing I noticed was that it was me adding on the ‘now’ deadline, not the person who’d sent the email.  AND I could ask for a deadline or indeed offer one.

Oh my gosh I felt SO free!  The awareness I learnt quite frankly freed me from the tyranny and grip that my mind had on me.  It’s not that I don’t still react but now I am more aware of what’s happening and this enables me to make more conscious choices, more of the time – rather than be driven by my unconscious mental demands.  Those demands usually end up with me flitting between tasks and reducing my productivity completely.  Sure, I could miss out on something but what’s the worst that could happen?  Once I think about worst case scenario, the truth is I don’t actually know that this is what will happen anyway.  Likely?  I suspect not.

So when that email pops in, consider:

  1. Who put the deadline on you or them?
  2. What’s the worst case scenario if you don’t respond immediately (or indeed until X?)
  3. What’s the truth – do you HAVE to or do you WANT to?

Come and explore how to release the demands you have on yourself, in a warm and welcoming environment, in my FREE online taster session for The Power of Purpose course.

Join me for an FREE online taster session on Wednesday 3rd or 10th February 2016 6-8pm.

I’d love to see you there…

FREE tickets here: Book FREE Online Taster for Power of Purpose

3 Ways to Question Yourself and Transform Conflict

change your perspective3

We all have conflicts don’t we?  This may be small reactions to what someone’s said or what’s being asked of us or they may be big ongoing disagreements with colleagues, family, friends that have resulted in total disconnection.

I don’t know about you but for me it can be rapid to go from feeling well, happy, content to suddenly – BAM I have a conversation and my back is up.  Someone has said or done something I don’t like or want and I am fuming, complaining, uptight, ranting, moaning and pretty quickly blaming them for what has happened.

This happened for me over the festive break.  I was really enjoying myself getting ready, about to get going with dinner and then I get a phone call.  Oh could you add this…and how about doing dinner like this…and do this…and do that…and actually I don’t want that, I want this.  All this 15mins before I was about to make a start.  I was fuming!

Pretty much straight away I felt my body tense up, my voice become curt and I hear myself agreeing (when I don’t really want to).  Then I hearing myself saying ‘well yes, but all that will take longer’, followed by a load of other no’s and negatives.   Then I don’t quite know what happened but I hear the person on the other end of the phone say in a very frustrated voice ’right, fine see you later’ and that’s it, no niceties, we hang up.  I come off the phone feeling angry, frustrated and wound up.  How could this happen?  This shouldn’t have happened today, how rude, inconsiderate and most of all how demanding of them.  How dare they?!

Then some other family arrive, they already known about the conflict and they are saying this person isn’t coming!  So now I’m getting: because this conflict has happened it has, from their perspective, ruined the day.  Great.  Merry Christmas!!!

To be quite honest, for a moment I didn’t know what to do.  I wanted to resolve this so we could all get back to enjoying being together, but at the same time I was fuming.  They should have said all those things, they should have offered support, they should have mentioned all this earlier, they should have said those things differently – they were wrong to behave like that and I am right to be angry about this.

Then it hit me, I am in a position.

This is what happens isn’t it?

We get into our ‘position’ and no way are we going to let them get away with this.  I’m right, your wrong.  This shouldn’t have happened.  Omnipotence.  I am going to defend my position at all costs!

Then it occurred to me that this is a recurring pattern for me and this person.  If we are going to be in conflict, this is generally how we end up.

Then in the next moment I thought NO!  I will not keep this going.  I am not going to do this anymore.  I know different, I have the knowledge and tools to choose a different path.  So I pick up the phone and call back and, before I know it, I am apologising.  I’m saying the truth which is: I do want to  hear what you want, your ideas, your contribution – however I found this difficult, a lot to take at short notice and I heard your requests as a list of demands.

Then, my gosh, the conversation was awesome.  We relay honestly what happened for each of us and I then hear the other person is saying ‘I’m sorry too, I realise it was a lot to say and ask at short notice’ and then we are talking, being real with each other – and it’s not conflict it’s connecting, really connecting.  I feel relived, pleased, empowered and free.

All is well.  And I’m really proud of how we transformed our conflict.

So as conflicts arise think about these 3 things that could transform your perspective:

  • Position – are you in a position, what are you holding onto that the other person had done ‘wrong’?
  • Truth – what’s the truth? Should something different have happened?  With your objective hat on, if you were being less all or nothing about this, what would you see?
  • Omnipotence – are you all seeing and all knowing? Really?  Do you really know how anything or anyone should be…?

The purpose here is to notice and question yourself, even if you are unwilling to get off your position.   Have a go and see what happens.

When you keep your position going, you keep the conflict going.

Come and explore how to transform your conflicts, in a warm and welcoming environment, and get focused on how to break the cycle.  Join me for an FREE online taster session for the Transforming Conflict course that I’m teaching at the end of January.  This is a FREE online taster on Tuesday 19th January 10:30-12:30pm.

I’d love to see you there!

FREE tickets here: Book FREE Online Taster for Transforming Conflict

 

New Year Resolutions – Are you in or out?

smooth sailing3v2

I have been reading lots of articles this week about how only 8% of people keep their new year’s resolutions and, refreshingly, a few about letting go of goals that are not serving us.  Great!  There’s nothing like checking-in to see that goals are still relevant and what we really want.

Being a bit of a purpose connoisseur so to speak (or so I like to think!), there is always something I am noticing and learning about my purpose(s).  Especially how this does or does not keep me on track with my goals.

Having a goal is wonderful however, purpose isn’t just about the final outcome for me.  Purpose is about noticing, getting aligned with reality, course correcting and then choosing again.  And again, and again, and again.  And this can be all within the same goal.  How often do we get into the all or nothingness of a goal?  And how much I wonder does this actually hinder progress, the quality of our experience and the final outcome?

For example, I had a massive project that I kicked off last year.  I mean it’s big – life changingly for myself and others.  So it took a lot for me to step-up, be visible and declare that this is what I am going for.  So I have a clear intention and an emotional attachment if you like to see this project come to fruition.  In hindsight, I realise I went into this with somewhat of an idealist attitude.

In my fantasy this was how it was all going to pan out…everyone is going to be immediately enthusiastic, encouraging and supportive.  They are all going to agree straight away, no one will be negative, no one will say  no, put any blocks in my way, ask me to change my vision etc.  I will hold my first meeting and everyone will be on board, turn up on time, respond to emails when I want them to…and from there it will evolve into this amazing world changing event…la la la…la la la.

Of course what I got was VERY different and quite frankly I found this tough to get past.  A few years ago this would have been a great excuse for me to give up and do something else instead.  I am clear now that I am not going to give up, but to keep my motivation and be willing to keep going is something else.

There is a much bigger picture here too, whatever we are doing with any goal big or small, we will be doing in other goals and areas of our lives.   This is true for me and all of us.

So whether you are changing jobs, creating something new, stepping up, improving fitness or losing a few pounds – how you respond and how you handle setbacks will impact the experience and the outcome.  This is it folks, this is your life.  You choose, always.

So you can course correct and go back in or go into one of my top 5 impossibility responses as a result of your ‘failure’:

  • Beat yourself up – drive yourself to do more harder, faster to make up for your ‘failure’
  • Indulgence – you have failed, any progress is futile, so why not consol yourself with a glass of wine or snack?
  • Resent – complain about how its everybody else fault that this has happened, they need to change or be different so you can be successful
  • Resignation – it’s impossible, it was never going to happen anyway, so you might as well give up right now
  • Denial/minimising – you never meant to go for that anyway, it was obviously unrealistic, better scale back so you don’t look like such a failure

 

OR how about this top 5 instead:

  • Reality check – Stop and review, check-in with yourself. What’s happened, what are the actual barriers?
  • Truth – What is the truth? Have you failed? How do you know you weren’t meant to get to your outcome this way?
  • Possibility – what can you learn from this? Are you willing to forgive yourself?  Even with any barriers you may be experiencing, what is possible if you were to forgive yourself and get back on board?
  • Way forward – what are the options to adjust, change course in light of what’s happened?  Are your setbacks going to require something different and if so, are you willing?

So what will you choose – in or out?  Go back to same habits of dropping or reducing your goal because you now believe it’s impossible OR get back on board with yourself.

Come and explore your goal challenges, in a warm and welcoming environment, get focused and empowered into possibility.  Join me for an FREE online taster session for The Power of Purpose course – on Saturday 16th January 10:30am-12:30pm.

I hope to see you there!

FREE tickets here: Book FREE Online Taster for Power of Purpose

Nicci Statham is an executive coach who specialises in changing behaviour, she is passionate about empowering clients to transform their results through changing their attitude and behaviour.  Follow her on Twitter @awareleadership.

You, no one else, creates what you have in your life.

Leadership Gratitude – what you have or haven’t got…

beauty and gratitude

I’ve seen this week that as leaders we can spend a lot of time in what isn’t working, what we haven’t got, what we haven’t mastered yet.

It takes a different amount and depth of courage to focus on design, creating what we DO want rather than indulging in complaining.

When we are in this frame, there’s a sense of impossibility isn’t there? A sense of something to get right, something more to overcome or master.

It’s an entirely different approach to start from gratitude – of where we are, all that we striving for and all the unknowns we are yet to experience along the way.

Are we where we are meant to be?

Or do we have it that we or circumstance should be different? That’s a big demand that can be both limiting and frustrating.

We are where we are that’s for sure – so maybe this is exactly where we are meant to be…

Leadership vulnerability – are you willing to be seen?

you are a human being

I’ve had lots of evoking client conversations this week about this idea of ‘being strong’ or and not being seen to be vulnerable as a leader. I know this is true for me sometimes too. Because when we are vulnerable as leaders, when it’s not all going how would like – this can be a challenge can’t it? To be seen to be as fallible, human even?

There’s a fantastic TED talk by an amazing lady Brene Brown entitled ‘the power of vulnerability’. For me, this is a powerful talk about connection – and what really makes sense to me is that when we numb or hide our vulnerability, we also numb or hide positive feelings like excitement, joy, gratitude, passion. Who wants to not be having their dose of those positive feelings and experiences? Not me!

Stepping Up in Leadership – Courage or Confidence?

magic happens

There are always challenges at different times in our leadership. The context changes and different qualities are required of us to step up to the plate. That’s where the growth of our leadership lies (or magic some might say :).

I’ve had a very evoking week, mainly seeing others step up in their willingness and purpose to claim their essential leadership qualities – not just as organisational leaders but as leaders in their own lives. This has been an absolute honour for me to facilitate and witness.

I know the same has been true for me this week. Someone made an innocent suggestion and BAM! my purpose, passion and desire was evoked. This will however require me to really step up into the frame and play much bigger.

Because that’s it isn’t it? Sometimes the choice to play BIG and not stay where you are is the one that requires real courage and trust. The rest is, well, que sera sera.

But really what’s the worst that could happen?

Thoughts or feedback? Do comment and let me know…#valuesbasedleadership

Leadership Innovation – out with the old and in with the new?

Leadership humility

A most valued client was talking in session this week about resistance to moving forward, letting go of the way things once were (and how things were once or always done) to enable a new way forward.

This really resonated with me. These changes of context do really require an emotional intelligence don’t they? For us as leaders to recognise when our own behaviour, ideas or way of doing things no longer supports the results we want to create.

Our resistance or allowing can make a big difference – sometimes a critical difference! The difference between closing down innovation or allowing openness to the new. New ideas, new ways of working, new opportunities.

Thoughts or feedback? Do comment and let me know…#valuesbasedleadership

Nicci

Leadership Trust – Courage or Complacency?

wizard of oz lion

What do we really want as leaders? I have a clear vision of my leadership and what results I want to create, all are in motion – some exactly on track, some are less further ahead than I’d like.

In my purpose to achieve this vision I’ve said no to a number of opportunities in the last few weeks. This has taken at times a massive amount of courage in me to let go of these, especially the ones I once would have gone along with – even though I knew they weren’t really what I wanted.

Leadership does take that courage at times doesn’t it? To let go of old ways of working, old behaviours or old beliefs that are no longer serving us – and most importantly are not going to bring us closer to the results we want.

So be brave, take that step and be a courageous leader! Empower yourself and make room for new opportunities, new or different skills or you and your team. Who knows what amazing opportunities may be created just by your willingness to trust.

Thoughts or feedback? Do comment and let me know…#valuesbasedleadership

Nicci