3 Courageous Steps to Reducing Your Negative Voice

I’ve been reminded in the last few weeks how much I really don’t know.  I’ve been reminded how important it is not to make assumptions or indeed let my ‘negative voice’ dictate my behaviour.  I truly do not know what someone is going to say or how they are going to react.  I mean it makes sense, how could I?  I who I am and they are who they are – I cannot read other’s minds.

I have had many conversations over the past 6-8 weeks about courses I’m teaching and about coaching.  Many conversations, not about what I’m offering per se but about individuals lives, roles and what they are wanting to change or develop in their leadership.  I’m grateful as I sit typing this that these are the conversations I get to have most of the time – transforming, empowering conversations that sometimes in themselves have many insights for me and others.

I realised after three conversations this week (where I was extremely doubtful of getting the outcome I wanted) how massively important it is not to listen to my ‘negative voice’.  I was fearful enough that I seriously considered not even asking the question that I really wanted to ask.  This was because of course my negative voice’s commentary had already started:  ‘They won’t be interested’, ‘They will say no or not now, ‘They will say I can’t afford it or I can’t do the dates’…and I will be left disappointed, de-motivated and resigned to the fact I have to do more to engage more people.

Well what I actually did was I decided that I can connect, listen, ask the questions I want to ask and see what happens.  And then my friends I was shocked!  All 3 people just said yes!  And now I am thrilled – for them, for me and for the difference this will make to leadership in the world.

So my question to you is…where do you hold back, avoid asking the question you really want to ask?

Have a go at these 3 Courageous Steps:

  • Listen In – to your negative voice…what assumptions are you making about what may or may not happen? About how someone may respond?
  • Check-In – with those assumptions…how do you really know what that person will say or what the future holds? When in the past has someone said something you didn’t expect?
  • Be Curious – and courageous, take a deep breath and ask that question! You never know…none of us do…trust, be open…see what happens.  And if you get a response you don’t want… is it likely you will handle it?

Learn how to increase your willingness to be courageous, get past your ‘negative voice’ and put yourself forward.  Step In, Step Up in your Leadership.  And learn the tools to keep this going for yourself, for the rest of your life.

Come and join me in a warm and empowering environment, in my online taster session for The Power of Self Esteem course.

Taster sessions are on Wednesday’s 28th September or 5th or 12th October 6-7:30pm.

I’d love to see you there…

FREE tickets here: Book FREE Online Taster for Power of Self Esteem

Nicci Statham is an executive coach who specialises in changing behaviour, she is passionate about empowering clients to transform their results through changing their attitude and behaviour.  Follow her on Twitter @awareleadership.

 

Stepping Up in Leadership – Courage or Confidence?

magic happens

There are always challenges at different times in our leadership. The context changes and different qualities are required of us to step up to the plate. That’s where the growth of our leadership lies (or magic some might say :).

I’ve had a very evoking week, mainly seeing others step up in their willingness and purpose to claim their essential leadership qualities – not just as organisational leaders but as leaders in their own lives. This has been an absolute honour for me to facilitate and witness.

I know the same has been true for me this week. Someone made an innocent suggestion and BAM! my purpose, passion and desire was evoked. This will however require me to really step up into the frame and play much bigger.

Because that’s it isn’t it? Sometimes the choice to play BIG and not stay where you are is the one that requires real courage and trust. The rest is, well, que sera sera.

But really what’s the worst that could happen?

Thoughts or feedback? Do comment and let me know…#valuesbasedleadership

Creative Leadership, BEing and DOing

self-trustSKYDIVE!!!  Wow, what an exhilarating experience!  Even though it was 3 weeks ago now, if I think back to that moment of dropping out of the plane, I can still feel the exact same feeling of absolute fear in the top of my stomach.  I was traumatised for a few days afterwards from the pure shock of the event – so far from the reality of my daily life.  Or is it?

 

Once the parachute was up, the sensation and energy completely changed – beautifully peaceful and tranquil. 

After reflecting about this momentous event, I realised that when we dropped out of the plane how absolutely terrified and very vulnerable I felt at that exact moment.   

I realised how much trust it took from me in even coming up with the idea in the first place – and then the trust I placed in both myself and my instructor.  When this came to me, I felt so0000 grateful for how swift, capable and strong my instructor was.  I still keep thinking – I know they do this every day for 10 months of the year, but even so what an AWESOME responsibility!

It came to me that this belief was key for me, in each moment, to stay present and TRUST that whatever happened I would be OK.

Don’t each of us of trust every day with different things in our lives?  It could be getting in our car or on public transport and trusting we will get there safely – to leading a team of people and trusting that everyone will keep their word. 

It seems to me this is especially evident in creative leadership.  To come up with ideas and concepts and to be willing to put them out there, share them with others. 

But it’s not just about DOing is it?  It’s a way of BEing. 

To BE open and trust that others will be enrolled into our vision, honour our creation and be willing to be part of making it happen – in some form or another.  How amazing is that?

And what does this trust and openness create for others?  A space where they can step in and step up that’s what.  To lead for themselves, create for themselves and develop their own vision and purpose.

We are human BEings after all…

See more about our leadership programme here… http://www.get-connected.org.uk/leadership_coaching_programme.php

Face your Fears – Top Ten Tips

fears n dreams

  1. Ask yourself ‘What’s the worst that could happen?’ – REALLY the worst!  The important word here being ‘could’!  It’s at least 50/50 isn’t it?  There may be of course a list of worse case scenarios BUT surely there is a list of BEST case scenarios too
  2. Accept Uncertainty as a part of Life – it can be a Fantastic part of it too!  Do we really have control over anything?  We may have an assumption based on what we’ve experienced before BUT how do we really know we are going to get exactly the same outcome again?  Embrace the don’t know, something wonderful may happen!
  3. Baby Steps – be brave in small ways to get you started.  Choices we make or avoid making can be very daunting indeed so break them up into smaller bits rather than going for the BIG cheese all at once.  Ask some questions, check out assumptions and have a practice! 
  4. Check in With Yourself – is your fear based on something you really want for yourself?  Maybe you just don’t want to do it and that’s what is stopping you.  Check in within yourself, your heart and your gut instinct.  Is there some excitement in there?
  5. Past Experience – where have you made a choice before to face your fear?  What happened that time?  Fear can be paralysing, so support yourself by connecting with previous experiences where you’ve overcome one of your fears – there will be many!
  6. Ask yourself ‘What’s would I Gain?’ – I bet there is a HUGE list, not just overcoming the fear and doing the fearful thing but what other things may you gain from this?  And what qualities in you will be brought forward to achieve it?
  7. Focus on What you Know – taking a risk can involve stepping out of your comfort zone so find a few key things that you are certain about.  This could be your experience, the people involved or the context  
  8. Ask for Support – share with someone what you want to do and what you’d like the outcome to be.  Ask for their support along the way and impartial feedback to check out your fears and worst/best case scenarios
  9. There are No Mistakes, Only Lessons – allow yourself to let go of the notion that you have to get it right or have a particular outcome.  The more you embrace not getting it right first time the more open you’ll be to whatever happens
  10. Breathe!!   The most important one – consciously breathe to stay present, check in with yourself and ease anxiety.

Good luck!

Nicci