Mmmmm….interesting week! I’ve been thinking a lot about my experiences in the last few weeks with others not always keeping their word. I found myself moaning and ranting last night after a series of events and heard myself saying – actually do I really want to carry on in these partnerships?
That is an option of course, to bail out, but like most things there is a cost to me of doing so.
I realised that for me the big disappointment here is honesty. Others not always keeping their word is one thing, but the lack of honesty to say so and/or re-negotiate a new agreement is the piece I find extremely disappointing.
Then (thankfully) I remembered a promise I’d made to myself a while back: What about me? Where’s my part in this? What am I doing?
I made this promise to myself some time ago after being in a similar scenario – moaning about others and not doing anything about it myself. I promised myself I’d be conscious enough to notice and then check out what’s going on with me. The questions for me were: How am I taking responsibility for my part, rather than just moaning about what isn’t happening? How can I encourage the behaviour I’d like to see?
So then I realised of course I wasn’t keeping my word to myself. As much as I might be disappointed and sad about certain events, I could choose to be honest and give feedback to those involved. I could choose to let partners know what had happened for me, both at the time and how I felt now. The people involved may have no idea what’s going on for me. Could I be making BIG assumptions about what they know or don’t know? If I’ve made those assumptions, where then is the opportunity to learn, grow or even build a new (improved) agreement.
Within this whole scenario, had I been honest about what I wanted or any expectations that I had?
How often do we do this as leaders with partners, teams or clients even? Make assumptions and then get frustrated, disappointed, angry or resentful when things don’t go our way.
I pretty much know it is going to take a huge amount of courage for me to have these honest conversations with people. And I want to do so without expectation or judgement. That will take some preparation and self mastery for sure!
As leaders we are always modelling behaviour – what we are BEing as well as what we are DOing.
What behaviour will you be modelling?
See more about my leadership programme here… http://www.get-connected.org.uk/leadership_coaching_programme.php
No blog from me next week folks, so a very Merry Christmas to you!!