How often do we – as soon as someone says or does something we don’t like – make a fundamental judgement about what sort of person they are and what, in fact, they should have said or done instead?
I sent a text message to a colleague of mine a few weeks ago, a nice friendly message asking what she’d been up to and sharing about some really important events that are happening for me. I received a reply nearly 10 days later, to which I thought…what? Why has it taken you nearly 10 days to reply?
I felt aggrieved, irritated and really disappointed. Right in that moment my assessment was that her behaviour is ignorant, rude, inconsiderate, disconnected, uncaring, selfish even. I also made a judgement that she should have replied sooner or at the very least provide some explanation of why she did not respond for ages.
I challenge you to think about a recent event where you were irritated with someone. What is your assessment about them and what they should have said or done?
It seems such a natural thing and a way of life in our world to make those assessments and ultimately judgements about others. We know better! We know really how someone else should have behaved and what they really should have said or done.
I wonder though is that assessment and those judgements going to cloud our perception of that person? The next time we see or speak to them, won’t those judgements come alive again – accompanied by irritation and/or a range of other negative emotions.
The thing about those judgements is, are they really true? I know for me my colleague is definitely not rude, ignorant, inconsiderate, uncaring or selfish – quite the opposite actually.
The sad thing is if I don’t tell the truth about my judgements it is highly likely when I am next in contact with my colleague I will hold those judgements against her. Then I am likely to hold back, be distant, be closed and unwilling to connect.
So what about you? What do your assessments and judgements mean for your relationships?
Do you want to hold onto them and disconnect?
Come and explore this in more detail in my Transforming Conflict Taster Session on Wednesday 2nd December 10am-12:30pm.
We will look at how to identify and transform our judgements and bring about a different connection when someone says or does something we don’t like.
Please book early as this will be a small group so places will be limited!
BE the change you want to see in the world…